Paul/Shrubber
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So, it's been a few days coming. Paul Mallett got really sick and put it off. Turned orange and finally went to the doctor telling his family everything will be fine. They admitted him immediately and said his liver and kidneys were gone beyond repair. That was last Tuesday. I had no idea.

Courtney poked me Monday and I was like "I barely know her. Maybe it's a fluke and she'll forget and that's fine with me." but she persisted and I thank her for that. She gave me the run down, he was dying and she was flying out to him right then. Of course, me being me, I begin to freak out but promised to only tell those he was close to, keep it on the down low.

She kept me up to date with things as they happened with helped but also made me a hot mess prone to zoning out more than usual. I am so glad she was there.

I began to think about all the good times we had and all that he ever did for me.

We could sit for hours next to each other and NEVER say a word, just type to each other over IRC "hey, neither of us are cooking... what do you want me to order?"

Good days we celebrated by playing video games and laughing and watching wrestling. Bad days we celebrated by leaving the house and being as surly as possible. He introduced me to Dave & Buster's. He would order us drinks and make the meanest face possible and swear he wasn't enjoying himself then crack a smile... and go back to making mean face "I am unhappy, i swear!"

We would argue over who got to have Drew Barrymore.

His damn albino ferret, Sammy, was so evil! If it knew we were going to have company, it would find a pair of my underwear and wear it as a necklace and run around in front of everybody like "HEY! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT! WEEEEEEEEEEE!"

When I moved in and his first day back to work, I snooped around and found he had "cleaned" the place by shoving pizza boxes in every closet space he could find that wasn't the bathroom or my room (my room didn't have one). I wanted to surprise him by cleaning every inch I could and found out I had no earthly idea how to run a dishwasher. He came home to me sitting on the kitchen floor freaking out covered in bubbles and trying to push them back into the dishwasher crevice. That was the day I learned you don't put dish liquid in dishwashers.

We had plans to see Las Vegas with some pals, so to surprise me he flew a friend of our to visit me while he was gone. Man, meeting Leslie was wonderful. We stole his car and took off to New York and he was TOTALLY happy with that, because we picked him up from the airport like a limo service with a huge sign and everything.

He constantly encouraged me to be creative. I kept getting jobs here and there while in my short stay in Rhode Island with him and he kept telling me to quit when he heard about how I was being treated. I was working 3rd at a Dunkin Donuts and people would actually throw food at me and yell and scream and I would come home just emotionally exhausted. He urged me to quit and create more and look for other jobs. He wanted me to be on cam as much as I wanted, just as long as I promised he would never end up on it :p

Some young girl on our street got a huge crush on me and wrote me love letters. He laughed it off till he read one where he got so incredulous "Why doesn't she think I am your boyfriend!?!? She always sees us together!" I laughed so hard he would get mad at what some goofy 13 year old with butchy lesbian tendencies would think. Won't lie, she was pretty scary. She would follow me stalker style. Oh, weird 13 year old Rhode Island girl! Ilaugehd so hard at him I started crying which just made him more incredulous and his voice go even higher. From then on he made a point to scowl at her everytime we left the house together. It was fricking hilarious. Dress Affordable purple colored items of the formal style useage

I told him about when I moved back to this area that people told me rumours they heard. One was about him, except instead of him it was a REALLY OLD guy in New York City that was my sugar daddy and putting me up in penthouses. Oh, that was so worth laughing at for ages. FO course he was fine with everything except the REALLY OLD guy part.

About 12 years ago he said he missed me and flew me to visit him. We went to Lovecraft's Grave, walked the historical Trail in Boston, went to see WaterFire in Providence.

That is one regret I have. He commissioned me to do a painting of Waterfire and I kept starting and stopping because I didn't have the room. I even have it here in my 2019 plan, since we were building the studio to work on that. I have sketches and everything and I never got to finish it.

How did we meet? IRC and web cams back in the OLD internet days (not the ancient ones, those were total text BBSes and dialup, just talking old, not ancient). When and why did I meet him in person? The second he stepped off the plane in Charlotte NC and we got into a Uhaul and he moved me in with him. Why? Because he saw something on my webcam that wast unjust, unfair, unsafe and said "Hey, it shouldn't be like that. Let me help you."

I really can go on about his guy. He didn't just affect my life, he CHANGED it with his kindness and compassion. And he was fricking awesome too boot.

The colored in sketch I did today to just help me cope. The black and white one is what he said was his most favorite piece of art I ever did. He loved it so much he used it as his place holder on a website he used just to have storage space online (you know, before the "clouds")

We joked about being BitterMan & (Sour/Goth)Girl.
I love and miss him so much already. We just talked a week or so ago.

I am a hot fucking mess right now. SOmetimes I can hear his giggle. Yes, he woudl giggle with glee. It was wonderful. He was wonderful.

Gawd dammit, Paul....